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Thursday, 22 March 2012

30 Day Challenge - Day 22

Day 22 - A song that you listen to when you’re sad

Rolling Star - YUI

"A world like I have seen in my dreams, without conflict, just daily peace. But in reality, I tend to worry about troubles and the daily grind. Those Rolling Days"

"Even though you keep on falling, You laugh and get up every time." I feel like this a lot. MIT is definitely a struggle for me, and if I didn't brush myself off and keep trying, I would have given up way before now. Probably the whole "feeling like a failure, even though I'm at an awesome school and have such awesome opportunities" thing is one of the biggest sources of my unhappiness as of late, and this song is just really good at cheering me up and bringing me strength when I really need it.

BTW, I might loop around and start from the beginning with these things...or, at the very least, re-embed them correctly.

Day 22 - How have you changed in the past two years?

So, two years ago, I was a senior in high school, just accepted into MIT, in the process of getting accepted to a lot of other places, deciding between bio or comp sci as a major, slowly taking over my robotics team, and in the process of shyly courting the guy I considered to be The One. My small group of friends and I were thinking about the future way too much and restless to graduate and move on to college and the real world. Furthermore, I knew exactly what I wanted from my life and what I wanted to do with it.

Now, I'm a sophomore majoring in chemistry and thinking of minoring or joint-majoring in anthropology. I have no idea what I want to do with my life...well, that's not true. I have a few, but nothing concrete. I'm pretty torn between working in a lab or working in an office, going to grad school for chem/biochem or going for anthropology...or just getting my MBA and doing usability analyzing. I'm definitely not anti-humanities anymore, although I think I would be sad if I graduated MIT without any kind of scientific background. I've become a lot less shy, a lot louder, and a lot more individual, and a lot truer to myself. I'm definitely not an A (or B...TT___TT) student anymore, and not for lack of effort, although I have a lot more stuff going on. I guess I wish I was a better student, but my grades don't concern me as much anymore...well, that's a lie, but I definitely don't cry about bad ones anymore. My outspokenness hasn't gone away at all; if anything, it's increased. I'm in the process of becoming a founding member of MIT's first feminism club, while wondering why there hasn't been one before. Also, I was way more uptight and straight-edge. A combination of a few really good, trustworthy friends and moving to Senior Haus changed that. I would say that I'm definitely happier now, which is good (of course). I kind of miss knowing exactly what direction I'm going in, but at the same time, it was definitely the wrong one. Now I at least know that I have options.

Oh, and that boy was definitely not "The One." Not even close, haha. Learned that the hard way... Although, with regards to that, I now know exactly what I'm looking for, even if I haven't found it yet.

Sunday, 26 February 2012

The Feeling of a Book (Edited)

It's been forever since I've gone to a bookstore, sat down to read a book, and then proceeded to purchase said book. I didn't realize how much I missed sitting down with a book I'm reading by choice. The smell of the paper, the feel of the pages...man, this combination of professional papers and internet technology is making me miss the feeling of reading a good fantasy book that I can HOLD while reading. Most of what I've read for pleasure in the past year has been online manga, and buying a manga book for the first time in a year or two was so nostalgic. The feeling of reading a physical book for pleasure made me so...so...happy. I was smiling the entire way home from the Prudential Center's Barnes & Noble. Now I'm REALLY sad that Borders in my hometown (aka, where I spent my childhood, got my manga fix, and spent many midnight-release dates) closed, as well as all of the Borders in the nation now.

The manga I bought was "The Betrayal Knows My Name." I got completely immersed in the book, and completely forgot my surroundings. Nothing existed but the storyline, and I think it would have been even more epic if it was a novel in Yuki's (the main character's) POV, because the plot would have been more awesome if you couldn't feel the other character's emotions until Yuki found out about them.

This is part of the reason I was thinking about getting a touchscreen netbook. I realized that I concentrated better and got more absorbed into what I was reading when I was holding it, rather than reading it off of a computer screen. The netbook I wanted, the Asus T101MT, is about 3 lbs, and it has a swivel screen. In addition to having all of the functionality of a laptop (but it will never replace Megami's sheer power), I'll have the ability to swivel the screen and write/read with it. Sure, it's not EXACTLY the same, but this way, I can use Amazon's Kindle textbook rental service and not have to carry around heavy-ass textbooks, and I can write without having to carry around my separate notebooks. I'll the feel of paper, but this is more convenient. Typing still doesn't replace writing things down for me.

But, even with the prevalence of technology and how much more "green" the digital method is, I'll miss the smell, feel, and immersion of a paper book. I'll make sure my children grow up with at least a few. ^^

Hmmm, this might call for a short story, in a "Perfect Twin" (look up this manga, it's good) type of world where books are scarce because people stopped appreciating them...eh, if I have time.
My Goals in Life (edited)

My measure of success will be when I can decide the menu at my business/lab meetings.

I'm serious.

I hate those mystery sandwiches that almost always have some kind of surprise/sauce in the only normal-looking ones that make me gag. I'm NOT a fancy eater, so I really don't like when people try to be "cute" with food. And I gag on the crunchy parts of lettuce, as well as pretty much any vegetable with similar texture. Onions are definitely the worst. And I don't like fruit cups, or fruit in general for that matter. I like applesauce and fruit juice, but I've just never been able to stomach fruit.

What can I say, I'm a picky eater?And, trust me, biting into something to find out that there were pistachios in it was a terrifying experience. Not because I don't like them, but because I went into anaphylactic shock.

Just give me my plain Turkey sandwich. Or, at the very least, give me a sandwich where I can remove the lettuce/tomato/onion/whatever. I would be happy if every meeting with food had fried chicken, TexMex, Indian, Japanese/Chinese (without those crunchy veggies that make me gag), pasta/pizza, stir fry, sandwiches I actually like, or just heaping plates of shrimp sushi. I'd be fine with non-fancy stuff.

But, along with the food, I want a house with a hammock in the yard, loft, and a skylight above the loft so I can watch clouds/thunderstorms/stars. And some kind of Asian-inspired decorating. I love Asian art and styling, and the graining of bamboo is so pretty. It would be kind of awesome to live in either Japan or Wisconsin. Random places, I know, right? But I really like them both <3

I'm not sure how I feel about the whole getting-pregnant thing, but I know I do want kids, either 1 or 2. I think I'll end up adopting and getting my tubes tied. I might as well help out a child in need instead of bringing another child into our overly-populated world. Hopefully whoever I marry will be okay with that, haha. I want a dog more than I want kids, though. *insert quote from Roy Mustang's Black Hayate rant here*

Overall, although I'm not sure what I want to do with my life now (either PhD in biology into genetic research or PhD in either behavioral psychology or cognitive neuroscience into my MBA to become a business psychologist/usability analyst), I'm not trying to be wildly successful. I like planning and designing things, so I want to continue to be able to do that. Also, I think I'm successfully enough addicted to Anime & Manga that those will still be part of my life. And, of course, I want to go to Japan. I've wanted to go since I was little. I plan on going the summer before my senior year, which would be awesome.
Tits or STFU

No, not GTFO. STFU. If you're flat-chested, stop crying. Seriously, it's so annoying, because, really, the alternative isn't that much better.

I'm a DD cup. However, I'm not that excited about it. Hell, one of the side effects of exercising more that I'm hoping for is smaller boobs.

Random naive girls will say "Omg, why would you want smaller boobs? You're so lucky you have big ones!" Well, random naive girls, here's why:

Reason #1: They're HEAVY. Think about it for a second. Boobs are just sacks of fat hanging off of your chest. Other than feeding infants and distracting men, they serve no useful purpose. If they're big enough, you'll start to get back problems. And they bounce all over the place. You flatter-chested girls don't have to worry about this. You can go running in the cheapest of sports bras and not have a problem.

Reason #2: Clothing. You girls without boobs don't have to worry about this. Things are designed so you don't feel bad about not having boobs. Isn't that great. For you. I've had to be forced out of dresses because I couldn't get them over my hips OR over my head. "But you're so lucky that you have that problem." No, I'm not. It severely limits what I can wear. I'm technically a large, but I have to wear XL and go up at least one dress size when I'm shopping. I can't shop at Forever 21, Wet Seal, Charlotte Russe, or all of those other places that most girls like to shop because nothing fits over my boobs. It's frustrating. When I DO find something that fits, SOMEWHAT, there's always the chance I'll look really slutty, especially in dresses and swimsuits. Not sexy, but slutty. I don't WANT to look slutty. I'm a fairly conservative person, and I can deal with some cleavage, but I don't want my boobs....OUT there... I don't want to hear how halter tops look better on girls with bigger boobs. Bigger, not large.

Reason #3: Bras. One of my friends pointed out a deal for bras that were 3 for $15 one time when we were shopping. The largest size was like 36 C. She's 32 A, so she had no problem. There are fucktons of cute bras that are cheap for girls with no boobage. And they don't have to have underwire. Or even support. Big boobs don't stand up on their own. "But we need push-ups to get cleavage!" No, you don't NEED them, and certainly not all of the time. You can just use cheap, padded ones. We actually NEED support, and support ain't cheap. Provided, that's if I can actually FIND a bra that fits. Regardless of where you go, if you're D and above, you'll find like 10 bras at most in your size. Including Victoria's Secret. And you don't want to go to Victoria's Secret for every day bras because they're EXPENSIVE. Other places, if you find ones that fit, they'll be skimping somewhere else, like on the band or on the strap clips, so they're annoying and not exactly what you need. And underwire bras suck when they break or stab through.

And let's not even get into how guys make this suck because of how often they talk about *insert random celebrity with big lips and big boobs*. However, boobs don't help you get guys. At least, not guys that are worth a damn. Trust me; I have a lot of guy friends, so I know from experience that if a guy is going after you for your boobs, he JUST wants your boobs. I have flatter-chested friends that are straight-up pimping. It's all about attitude. I just have very little. Of the right kind. Besides, how much do you need for a handful, anyway?

I just don't understand why people go under the knife for this kind of thing. Serious injury, yes. Tumor, hell yes. Boobs, hell NO. Even though a smaller chest would be nice, like hell I'm going to pay a crapton of money and get sliced up to do it. I feel the same way with implants. Sure, you'll have big boobs, but you might also have ugly scars. Also, they won't float. Or bounce. And could possibly break and kill you.

So, in conclusion, small boobs aren't bad. Just stop complaining about how small they are, damn it, and embrace it.
Everything's...Colder in Texas?

So, the A/C is in the process of being repaired at the house. And people keep complaining to me that it's not being fixed. Yeah, it's annoying, but half of the complaints are from people in Texas.

Texas.

The one in the South.

Yes, that one.

...

...............................................

Isn't it HOT in Texas?

Wow, really?

What, are you going to sleep in a parka?

Fail.

Fail.

Faaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiillllllllll.

We're in Massachusetts.

The one in the North.

It's 80 degrees.

You room couldn't be ANYWHERE near 95 degrees.

Come on.

But, seriously, though, it's like a point of PRIDE or something for people from the South to walk around in 80 degree weather in New England and go "Pshhh, this isn't hot. I would wear long pants and a jacket in this weather. Why you sweating?" So, when it IS "hot like home," you're going to complain?

Because I'm totally an A/C repairwoman.

Hence why I'm majoring in chemistry.